Diapers Q&A - Is anyone else a *snobby mom*?

Is anyone else a snobby mom?

Before I had a baby name brands didn't catch my attention. Since becoming a stay at home mom and being around other stay at home moms, all I do is SHOP. We take our babies to the malls(we have 5 in our area indoor and outdoor) and just buy. We compare what we have and have to *out do* one another. Its strange and sickening. I finally had to acknowledge my problem when I bought a 500$ Coach Diaper bag (I am now the queen of mommy and me), I have NEVER been like this?(we also compare strollers/bottles/slings) Is it post partum issues or are all SAHM's like this? Why do these moms judge themselves and others by what they have? I feel sucked into another world. Is my best chance at returning to normalcy just to not talk to these women? Suggestions on how to avert the *what I have that is better then yours* conversations, please!!!

Public Comments

I never had this problem, but i could see where iw ould if i were in your situation, if they ask you to go to the mall just say you have something you have to do, and if they are comparing just dont get into the convo, let them talk about it, maybe they'll get the pic youre done.
That is really bad, you're being materialistic. I'm sure it's great being able to afford those things, assuming you actually could, but it's a waste. Babies grow out of those things too fast, save the money for college, and your retirement. Your baby's worth is not a matter of what Coach diaper bag you own right now, but the type of person to teach them to be. If you keep acting like this you will have a brat on your hands that will never take no for an answer. It's time to change now before it gets even more out of hand.
LMAO! I lived in a very affluent area when my kids were babies and saw the same things... SAHM competition.. its sad really because all their self-worth seems tied up in who spends the most money (translation: whose husbands spend the least amount of attention on them that they need to use shopping as therapy).. or let play redecorate the home 3x a year - played that one yet? Its boredom, trying to fill a void.. and its presented to them as a normal part of being home with kids.. Keep your sense of humor about it.. I know plenty of snobby moms who are awesome... but they just do not get it.. Find one or two good friends in your crowd who can relate... have fun shopping sometimes, but think of what values you are passing on to your kids... that kept me in check... Oh for fun, I would sometimes grab puppets from the dollar store or (eeeks) walmart and mention how great these things were, then watch them all try not to gasp when I said, you know come to think of it, I got these at walmart, or the thrift store... (try it, it will give you a small laugh inside)...
Maybe you all should just stop and think if what you are doing is benefiting the baby or not. For instance...does baby care if his/her diaper bag cost $500? No. Thats $500 you could have put into a college fund. So really, you ladies are pleasing yourselves rather than who is really important (the baby).
Parents always try to out-do each other and brag about how much smarter, how much better and how much more their children have. What you've stumbled into takes that to extremes. It doesn't end as they get older either... I was talking to another mother in my 2nd graders class and she was commenting about my daughters braces and how their daughter was referred for them, but they decided that it was better that their daughter wait until she was older. The tone suggested that we should have done the same. I told her very politely that with the extent of problems my daughter had (she needed a separator, braces and now we're working on aligning her jaw) the orthodontist wanted to get started on it early and thought it was better. I told her that I trusted my doctor since I wasn't the one who went to dental school. For your problem, you can hang out with these women if you like them, but I'd find reasons not to go shopping with them every day and I'd stop letting them pressure me into buying things just for the sake of buying them. A very polite, "We already have what we need and it's working just fine" should be enought to stop them from questioning you. You know what's best for you baby and you don't need to measure up to anyone's criteria except your own.
You are totally normal!! I too would go to the mall, shop have a freaking pretzal., but soon i decided that i should go back to work at least partime and would enjoy my son more. I missed him so much but knew that the separation was good for my self esteem and sanity. Get Out Now!!!! Do not fall into a category. Peace and Good Luck!!
That's great (and rare) that you recognize the type of world you got sucked into is a sick one. When I first had my daughter, I didn't go so far as a Coach bag, but nothing but Gymboree and GAP clothes touched my daughter. I finally got over it when I went back to school, she got bigger and started getting dirtier, and I just realized that there are more important things. I don't think you have to stop going to Mommy and Me and things like that if it makes your child happy. Although you should try to find some other activities. Take your baby out more by yourself and make friends with everyday (maybe some working) moms at a regular playground. Talk to other moms on internet groups-- moms who spend more time talking about potty training and doctor visits and bedtime rather than whose baby did what first and where they bought what. It's still ok to buy cute things for your baby and if you like the guilty pleasure of having other moms admire the clothes or the stroller, like I said, just go to a regular park and steer clear of the trendy SAHM crowd. Good luck :)
It sounds like you need another group of moms if you are realizing you have a problem! I am A SAHM and I am total opposite me and my group of mommy friends are all about going to parks and the pool and finding out where the "deals" are!!
That's an interesting observation. I confess, that I, too, have the Coach diaper bag, although I must say, I love it!! It is great and it doesn't have a mark on it, regardless of how many times I bang it or bump it! Although I do not compare myself to other moms, I guess I try to be thankful that not only we afford the Coach baby bag and the Burberry clothes, but we also have college accounts for our kids. I am grateful for the lifestyle that we have, and I just try to be thankful for that! -- What's with the thumbs down? Because some of us can afford nice things? I smell jealousy!
I am a stay at home mom as well. I don't however buy brand names unless they are from a consignment shop. I love Once Upon A Child. Most of the time I just shop at Wal-mart. My main thing since I have had my son is that he has to be practically spotless when we go out and I like his stuff to look new. That is not an easy task with a two year old little boy who is rambunctious. If the playgroups are all about shopping and who can afford the best stuff what is that going to teach your child in a couple years. It is great to be able to afford that stuff but is the quality really that much better. I mean a 500 dollar diaper better last long for my grandchildren to use. I would either find a new playgroup or knock some sense into yourself and the other moms.
you guys have mine is better then yours conversations? ......really? lol wow!! thats funny!!! 500 bucks on a diaper bag? man thats how much my stroller cost me! I could get all three of us a new wardrobe. the groups we are in aren't like that... well maybe a bit like I always look and see what the others have and if I have something simular I kida of compare it I guess, but I would nevver be like....wow Meg that is a pile! check mine out, its so nice and posh and it cost me like $1199, But that also could be not because we are 'those people' maybe its cause we are happy with what we got cause 1) its as good as we need 2)Can't afford anything better I would say that I am not a snoby mommy... but some have said I am, but its more about other things like his consumption and he always has to look adorable when we go out, but I don't think thats snobby at all I just think thats being a mom!!
Unfortunately, SAHM's don't always get a chance to socialize because their job is their kids, which is a 24 hour a day job. So when they do get a chance to do so it can go overboard. It can also be a part of boredom. There aren't a lot of things that you can do with other SAHM's where you can throw your kids in a stroller and go. Shopping is often the most convenient option, because it's close by and kid-friendly and of course fun. Stress is another big thing, raising kids is hard and a lot of people buy things in an attempt to make themselves feel good. For some it can almost be a rush similar to any addiction. I understand that it's tempting, but keep in mind that it will be harder to show off ten years down the road when your family is bankrupt from trying to "keep up with the Johnson's" so-to-speak. There's nothing wrong with purchasing nice things occasionally if you can afford it. But with only one person working in the family, even if your husband is a millionaire things can turn very quickly and you'll be wondering why you bought that pricey diaper bag or state-of-the-art stroller. It happens to a lot of people. First of all, evaluate what your temperament is like when you are talking with your SAHM friends. Is part of the reason why you compete with them because you feel inadequate? If you think this is a problem you should probably have a talk with your husband/partner and discuss your concerns honestly and openly. This may not be the case, but he might eventually resent you for spending his hard-earned paycheck on more or less irrelevant items. You should also consider setting up activities with your SAHM friends that don't revolve around shopping and buying. If they seem particularly hesitant or uninterested then perhaps you should look for a new social circle. Friends who judge you for what you have aren't friends at all. If you do continue hanging out with them, just change the subject when it turns financially catty. If they pry about why you are no longer spending so frivolously tell them that you are either bored with shopping, can't find anything you like right now or are in the middle of starting up a trust fund for your kids. If you feel comfortable with them then just be honest about the situation. You never know, they may secretly feel the same way and just not express it for fear of being ostracized by the group. Ultimately this is about your priorities and values, not theirs. If they have a problem with it then there is simply nothing you can do about it. There are billions of people in this world, if you make an effort to search you will find other, less superficial, friends. Do make efforts to get this under control. And realize that it's not just stay at home mothers who deal with this. Everyone wants to feel like their children have the best of the best, some people just have better willpower than others.
I would love to hang out with these ladies, and while they are name brand dropping say some thing to the effect of: "Oh, what a lovely $80.00 outfit, I almost bought that exact same thing, but decided college mattered more than a cute outfit my little girls going to spit up on! Oh, wait, maybe a little breast milk would bring out that lovely print" I'm not much of a name brand shopper for myself or my kids, and I wouldn't recognize a name brand if it slapped me upside the head....so, I have no good advice, but I'd have fun messing with them! (Not that I'd be given the time of day any way!!)
I'm not going to laugh at you, tell you to get over yourself, or any of these other suggestions. What you are going through is something that I know really does happen coming from my upbringing. I am not a financially well off young lady but my whole life I have attended private school and upon entering high school (a very well off, all girl school) I saw the Coach Purse, LV this, $400 phone that, etc etc as well as their mothers who they were mini-me's of. I also was a swim instructor for wealthy families who I ended up baby sitting for and seeing this once again. My best suggestion is find a new circle of moms, what matters with your children is that you spend time with them, raise them right - not with a silver platter but remembering you sometimes need to discipline them. These mothers will form children just like them. There are SO many Mommy Groups, my aunt is well off and she found a great group of Soccer Mom/Craft Mom groups, and her kids are active, and creative - I adore my cousins and they have good manners. I believe the wealth can get to Stay-At-Home-Moms sometimes, take your child to the zoo as opposed to the mall. Take them to Dora on Ice and activities like that, or your local Children's Museum and you might find these moms. I hope this helps. Best Wishes.
How about starting a 529 college savings plan for your baby, and then when these crazy conversations come up, calmly state that you decided that a good education was more important than a trendy diaper bag? Or, if you are crafty, how about making your baby the subject of a series of scrapbooks that will be the envy of the other moms? At least that way you are creating something that your baby and other family members can read and enjoy.
I'd be finding new mommy friends if I were you. I consider myself a little more practical than that....I'm all about saving money. Most of my daughter's clothes are second hand & come from consignment shops. I might splurge every once in a while on a new outfit from Walmart or Target. I'm not about to spend a ridiculous amount of money on brand new clothes from expensive stores, as she'll only get to wear it once before she grows out of it. $500 on a diaper bag is just plain crazy! You should have gotten a $20 one from Walmart and taken the rest of the money and put it into a college fund. Be smarter with your money...!
hmmm...none of the moms in my mom group are like that at all. Actually we all brag when we find good deals on things.
That's funny the mom's I talk to and hang out with have I got this cheaper than you convo's not I spent more than you. I think you need to find a group of mom's like us. I think that maybe you just need to distance yourself and look for other mom's. Sure we go shopping sometimes but we go to the zoo, park, out for ice cream, ect. more often then anything else. Heck they are so jealous when I get good deals of cool things for free off freecycle.
After reading the long list of replies, I couldn' help but respond. I have 3 teenagers and a 7 month old baby. So we've been there, done that! And doing it again. :-) First forgive yourself and start over. It is so easy to let yourself go especially if you have the resources (and even if you don't). I have been guilty myself of splurging and sometimes it has been easier to just give in to the impulse and persistance rather than be tough and say 'no'. But in no time that baby will have outgrown the usefulness of these things. So I think you recognize that but you need help telling yourself no. You've heard of pick your battles? Well pick your shopping battle. Allow yourself to get something nice every now and then. And in between simply tell the folks you shop with that you don't need whatever it is and just change the topic. Say to them how much you enjoy the company and suggest a lunch away from the mall rather than at it. (My best friends have developed just from lunches rather than shopping). Or politely acknowledge your friend's purchases, help them with their buying decisions (afterall isn't it funner to spend someone else's money?) and divert your own attention away from the purchases you shouldn't make. Now if that doesn't help, get involved in a community project. Or talk to this group about starting a project to help someone in need. For example, you could mention that the local food pantry was needing food. Or get them to pitchin and support a family at Christmas or other occasion. By doing that you fulfill the shopping urge, but it is for a good cause. So stop, rethink what you are spending your money on and find another way to meet the need to shop by substituting with something that helps someone/something else. Good luck and keep trying.
wow. My SAHM groups are frugal. We even call each other when we see specials on things other moms want to buy their babies! If it isn't you to keep up with the jones' or outdo them if you will, then stop. Just because you have chosen to be a SAHM doesn't mean you have to change who you are. You should sign up for some baby classes with all that money you have, you might meet other moms who have the same outlook as the real you. Baby swimming, baby and me yoga, gymboree, playgoups and music groups.... It would be lots more fun for the baby too, then being trapped in the stroller all day.