Diapers Q&A - What's wrong with us?

What's wrong with us?

I often feel so run down in my relationship. I keep asking my wife for help and she never listens. I feel that I do almost everything in the relationship. I - earn 80% of the income in a high stress high reward environment - get the kids ready for school / daycare daily, and take them - change all of the baby's diapers except for maybe 2-4 changes on the weekend - do all the manly chores like taking out the trash, recycling and so on - do my own laundry and ironing - drive everyone everywhere My wife - lost our first house because she spends more than she earns - though the only family expense she pays is daycare - does not drive, refuses to get a drivers licence because she doesn't like to drive in this "big" city - is obsessed with television and spends 3-4 hours a night watching it - does not have patience with our daughter and frequently shouts at her. We then get into big arguements about it because I feel for the poor girl who just wants her mom to play with I've suggested counselling. She refuses to go.

Public Comments

Ok you feel run down becasue you are. You need someone to intervene in this- a counselor or a pastor. She needs to learn how adults handel money and that she can't be a child anymore.
You need more passion in your life. From the looks of it... she seems lazy. Maybe you should have more "date nights"... and try to talk to her.. in a more subtle way..
if you are doing all the work than what is she there for? i guess the free ride.
I don't really know what to say, I understand how you feel coz I'm in a similar situation, giving all I got and getting nothing in return. Seems she's not gonna change, so it's you who will make a decision, take her as she is or split up for good: I know it may sound way too drastic but trust me, if u stay in a relationship like this you'll end up hurt, angry, frustrated and think about your kids, do you really want them to be with a person you can only complain about?
I think the first step should be for your wife to get individual therapy. If she doesn't figure out her own head she won't be able to figure out anything with you...sounds like she could be depressed. Ask her to get help or buy her some St. Johns Wort (beware, it screws with birth control effectiveness).
she could be deppreseed or she could jsut be very lazy and you doing all the work just ads the lazyness.
Be the head of your house and put your foot down. When people see failure in the home they don't focus on the wife they look at the man. Someone has to set rules and guidelines for a household to function. She needs to be shown how her attitude has effected the home financially and emotionally.
She is not a wife. She is not a partner. She is a selfish pig, and a liability. Lose her. I hope you can find better. If you don't just dump the cow, then seriously she needs counselling. And also, just stop doing things for her. She wants you to drive her somewhere? Hand her the bus schedule. Baby needs a change? Take the baby, GIVE it to her, say 'Honey someone needs a change' and walk away, don't even give her a chance to say no. Get to the tv before her, tell her YOU would like to watch tv for a change. Stop taking out the trash, tell her you are too tired. Set up a joint bank account and make her put her money into it, the kind where she can't withdraw unless you sign for it, that will curb her spending. Maybe if she sees how selfish she is being, she will cut it out. I seriously would not put up with that in a relationship if I were you, it is supposed to be about PARTNERSHIP, that is why your spouse is called your partner! She obviously does not give a f*ck about being your partner or doing her share, she just wants you to look after everything for her so she can laze around doing nothing. The reason she does this is because you let her get away with it for too long. STOP DOING THINGS FOR HER.
Forget that 20% income. Make her sit at home and kick that TV out of your home. Everything shall be normal again.
Try getting her into counseling... a good counselor is a referee that provides a means for both of you to express, then helps you two to find common ground. If she is working full-time, and the majority of her paycheck is going to child-care... then that is it... at least she is bringing in something. Do a little number crunching... If she stayed at home to tend to the kids, you would save the daycare money, and she could handle the kids and get them ready for school, but she would probably spend the whole day in front of the tube. It sounds like you need to cut the cable TV service and address her addiction. Everyone should be able to do their own laundry and pick up after themselves. Everyone should be able to pitch in with the kids. There is a balancing point, though. What I did when I hit the wall in my own marriage... I told him that I wanted a divorce... we stayed together after we went though marriage counseling and he straightened up.
You are the husband and for sure, you are the head of the family. You still can change your wife attitude. Depends on you. Change her slowly and one by one. i think it will works. If she still in that way, that is your own fault. you give her chance to be like that.
First of all, have you tried talking to her about it. Let her know that her children need her love and attention and that you do too. Let her know how stressful it is to have to do everything and that you would appreciate it if she could lighten your load around the house. If she knows how to drive and just doesn't have a drivers license, then encourage her to get it. It is important for her to have that in case of an emergency. Don't give up. Keep pressing her to get that out of the way. I know what I am saying. My husband believes in me that much, that he will not lay off of something that he knows I can accomplish. I am so blessed to have a hubby who believes in me. (She will thank you in the end.) If you feel that all she does is lay around the house and watch television, then take her out somewhere as a family. It will get her out of the house and she will pay more attention to you and the children. Do you all attend Church as a family every Sunday? The question I am trying to really ask is, do you all have GOD in your lives? Maybe, consider that if you don't. Having God in your lives will make you a stronger family. You and your wife should seek the Lord whole-heartedly and ask HIM into your lives. Seek refuge in Him. You have to put GOD first in your lives in order to have that strong marriage. In the Bible, it talks about the foolish builders who built their house on sand. -It collapsed, because they did not know God or believed in HIM. This is the very reason why I tell you that you need to rebuild your marriage and your family on a strong religious foundation like rock. You just have to do your part and lead your family on the righteous path. (NIV) Bible: It says; The Wise and Foolish Builders 24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash." and in... Luke 6 - The Wise and Foolish Builders (NIV) 46"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? 47I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. 48He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete." Remember, A Family who Prays Together Stays Together. I will also say a prayer for you and your family to seek the Lord with all your hearts, soul, and mind. May the Lord bless you with hope, peace, love, joy, forgiveness, faith, and prosperity. -Amen.. ~Matthew 22:37 Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' ~Always know... Matthew 7 - Ask, Seek, Knock (NIV) 7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. † GOD BLESS.
ohhh my ..she is being very selfish..... she isnt ready to hear the truth ...you should go to counciling for your self ............. and tell her your going ..................... dont discuss it with her when she asks..... over step her questions and say i would like it if you came with me to these sessions ........... if you loved me and want this marriage to work as i do then you will ...and leave it at that.......if she gets all upset about it then ask her why is she so scared and worried about seeing a counciler for ? is what i would say good luck
Ahh the joys of discovering the opposite sex!!! She may be seeing things the exact opposite of how you are seeing things and may think that you are unattentive, thus why she spends hours in front of the t.v. and gets frustrated with your daughter. It sounds strange and you may not understand it; women's minds work totally different than men's! In my own experience, if things aren't right between my hubby and I or I feel like the majority of responsibility is on my shoulders I have a hard time functioning in other areas, like parenting. I get frustrated with the kids for no reason, I just want to sit and do nothing and then I realize that I need to be proactive and do something. That something usually involves broaching a difficult subject with my husband, just letting him know that i feel a little neglected or initiating intimacy (a 'date' out, a little alone time with just the two of us or sex). It is an ongoing learning process. My advice to you would be to listen to your wife. Don't be judgemental and honestly share your feelings when she is done. She may just be lazy or something like that but I honestly think there is probably some barrier there that is causing her to act the way she does. Maybe you can kindly suggest that she see a doctor if you can't find a way to resolve things between the two of you. Her problems may stem from depression or some other medical condition. I know I have given you a lot to think about but i hope it helps!
Has your wife been checked out for depression?. She sounds like she could be suffering from it and having a hard time with life itself. She may want to listen, but may not be able to.. Get her to go to a doctor and get checked out.
Seems she may have a depression problem that may be post partpartum blues that is carrying on long after the birth of the child... need to get her to the doctors and see whats going on...
Gee buddy, I feel for you. I think maybe she needs a wake up call. Ever thought of packing her bags and putting them by the door? Sometimes it takes tough love to open the blind eyes. You need to book some time off of work and teach your wife some tough love. Cancel the cable! God! That tube has been the ruiation of the family. Now that you have time off work, that your wife knows nothing about, of course, refuse to get the kids ready for daycare. Take your time getting ready for work but, take a change of clothes to change into while you are out. O well... the kids are late. Gee... ain't that a shame. Never lose your cool. She's going to dig her heels in like a mule but, you have to be stronger. If she doesn't cook then, take your daughter out to a nice place where she would like to go. Leave the wife at home. If she is going to act like she isn't part of your family unit then, exclude her in everything. Deny her all that she covets. All the while you are planting the seeds of what you want. What you expect of her as a wife and as a mother. She will get her licence because you said so. Tough love. It's really hard and should not be attempted by a wimp. No one ever said life or marriage was going to be a piece of cake. You can't keep on like this buddy. She is creating a nest from hell. Time to clean out last years twigs and leaves. Good luck with that. If it works??? Let me know. Hey, I'm a 51 yr. old woman. I don't get women like your wife. I hold down a full time job AND drive AND take care of a very large 2 story home. So.... the ball has been in your court for a long time now. You gave her an inch and now she is taking every mile she can. You created the monster by letting her get away with it for so long. Now the monster might just bite back so, be careful, be strong and always be in control. Good luck
Your wife is the problem here. She needs to do her fair share or get out.